Uncategorized

Today marks the second anniversary of Doug’s Homegoing, altho I believe he now inhabits a place of eternity with no time and space limitations, but here I am still marking things with an earthly perspective. My heart is beyond happy for him to be where I believe there is no pain, no sorrow, no sadness. My words don’t do it justice, I know, and I don’t wanna mess up the incredibleness of God and all but I am wanting to articulate to the best of my ability how I’m feeling so, so grateful today. The days leading up to today have also had the thankful vibe for sure. I imagine the pure joy & full-heartedness Doug must be reveling in, having his questions answered, meeting saints of old, worshipping the Living God with the Angels, living his best life, no fears & no worries about anything. In as much as I believe Heaven to be a perfect place with God & Love & Forever infused into every inch of it there, (and if I’m honest I am kinda jealous that he got to go there first and immediately be plopped into a Place we talked about often, wondered about, tried with our human limitations to imagine, and looked forward to together with such expectation that it gave our earthly life a sweetness that almost defies words….), I have experienced some of my own wonderful, nothing short of miraculous moments here these past 2 years, feeling encased in an ornate & beautiful frame of God’s supreme protection, swaddled securely in peace & comfort, and literally feeling the Hand of God holding my right hand thru the days and months and now years.

The song by Mercy Me, “I Can Only Imagine” is a powerful, anointed strength-narrative that builds me up inside and makes me wanna shout & cheer about Heaven. I never tire of listening to it.

I really like Martha Snell Nicholson’s poem called “The Other Side”…. “This isn’t death–it’s glory! It is not dark–it’s light! It isn’t stumbling, groping, Or even faith–it’s sight! This isn’t grief–it’s having my last tear wiped away; It’s sunrise–it’s the morning of my eternal day! This isn’t even praying–It’s speaking face to face; Listening and glimpsing the wonders of His grace. This is the end of pleading for strength to bear my pain; not even pain’s dark mem’ry will ever live again. How did I bear the earth-life before I came up higher, before my soul was granted it’s ev’ry deep desire, before I knew the rapture of meeting face to face the One who sought me, saved me, and kept me by His grace!”

My strongest Hope, however, is found in God’s Word: In John 11:25, “Jesus said to her, “^[a]I am the Resurrection and the Life. Whoever believes in (adheres to, trusts in, relies on) Me [as Savior] will live even if he dies;” These strong words change the I think so, I wish so, I hope so, and maybe into I know so. Hands down. We do not grieve as those without Hope. John 14:3 reminds me I will once again be reunited with God and with Doug. On this earthly journey we live by faith. Doug now lives by sight. Wow! He is smiling & belly laughing all the time now. I love that thought. I long for that time for me and those I love & share life with until then. Jeremiah 31:9 says, “Tears of joy shall stream down their faces, and I will lead them home with great care.” And let me finish with Jeremiah 31:12, “They shall come home and sing songs of joy upon the hills of Zion, and shall be radiant over the goodness of the Lord…..Their life shall be like a watered garden, and all their sorrows shall be gone.”

I think death deserves a bit more space in the thoughts of our lives because it is just as much a fact in our life as living is. I think too often it’s a subject that can be off limits because of the pain & loss, but may be better for us to include it more often to remove some of its negative emotions & the sting of it. It can be quite a hideous & sad & displeasing subject indeed, however God’s opinion of it says, “Precious in the sight of God is the death of his saints.” Precious means…..invaluable, highly-prized, cherished. Hmmmmm, I want myself to stop letting death be such a dreadful full-stop and I want to view it more like God does. It is apparent to me that God’s Perspective on death is quite different from mine; in that it was His Plan for His own Son to die, to accomplish our redemption and our living with Him forever. Death has a higher purpose, a lasting meaning, and a Divine element of mystery that I’ve yet to fully understand. I look forward to my turn to meet God face to face and ask many questions I have no answers to in this earthly life. I find the Hope that’s woven into so much of God’s Word creeping like a dense fog over the mountains and valleys of what’s left of my years; it serves as a strong reminder to carry on well, to be alive well (because of a big, good God that is to be trusted with every ounce of my being as He heals & restores me), to last well until my own appointed hour, and to die well.

Cheers to Life, to Eternal Life, to God’s Plan, to my XXL, our #6, my high school sweetheart, my life partner, my iron sharpens iron person, wonderful Dad to our kids, companion, and man of Faith who finished his race well. I love you & miss you.

This day means a lot to me. First off, kudos to my own Mom who was the most classy, beautiful, strong, nurturing & loving person I ever knew growing up. I loved being a Mom. Loved the challenges, joys and even some sorrows. Loved getting to help shape, mold, love, mentor and grow along with our kids as they became young adults and I became more experienced & seasoned. It was such a privilege to see our kids’ unique personalities, gifts and talents unfold through the years. My heart is full to overflowing and I couldn’t be more proud of these wonderful, kind, amazing, strong, independent, loving people who are now my peers & friends. Love you so much, Jason, Kellie, Matthew & John.

I love tulips & daffodils that burst forth to greet us each Spring. I got to thinking about their perseverance. There they are all winter just waiting until the appointed time. And the weight of the garden dirt packed down on top of them is in itself noteworthy. (Simply as I can describe it, a cubic yard of wet garden soil can weigh 2-3 thousand pounds; those are some odds I’d say……) Why does this intrigue me? My life, your life can at times be weighted down with challenges or odds or just the day to day, right? Like our little bulb friends, there can be obstacles & a lot of waiting. Against insurmountable odds of making their way through the PSI of wet dirt, rocks, bugs, roots, snow & months of their winter season, onward they press & upward they push to reach the top, to appear & bloom just in time to herald the hope of Spring. Let’s keep doing our own pressing on & pushing through to make our way to the surface & do our own blooming, called forth & strengthened by our Creator.

I love the Everlasting-ness of God that speaks loudly but so lovingly & tenderly to me at the beach. The surf is like a stuck-on-“play”, repeated, never-ending, rock solid, unrelenting reminder of His Love for my soul that He is always there. Always moving toward me, always ebbing & flowing, always approaching me, never shy but never too much, never coming with too much force. In my life He is the only thing that is constant & secure & dependable day to day, with so much that changes each day around me. The surf is amazing, no two waves the same, just like no two sunrises or sunsets ever the same, and yet remarkably, stunningly beautiful. Just like no two people the same. The surf brings in treasures with each roll & crash & glide upon the sand. Quietly it just deposits it there. Just as God daily brings me treasures; morsels of beauty, snippets of Truth, bits & pieces that reveal Him to me (so individual, so tailor-made). His surf, His sands, His beach hold such gems that remind me of His Everlasting-ness and highlight His Love.

April 2024.

Springtime in Texas is beautiful. Tons of butterflies, lovely bluebonnets and Indian paintbrush blooming all along the highways that put a smile on my face and feed my soul. Vibrant pink, red and orange rosebushes are in full bloom. Hummingbirds have begun showing up. After the initial burst of colors, then came the black-eyed susans and the pink evening primroses. And all the butterflies!

A quick trip to NY also proved Spring to be beautiful there as well. The Botanical Gardens were boasting of bright daffodil hills and Magnolia forests that caught my eye; not to mention the hundreds of colorful orchids inside the spacious Conservatory for an Orchid Fashion Show. Lots of creative displays and food for the soul.